The friday play was mostly imagination with her Mr potato and all his friends. Creating different looks and putting it in different positions while acting out scenarios with other toys had Luna basically running about the house with great joy. While there were lulls with blankets and big screen watching, I think the fact that she didn't have any more "burritos" (eye ointment) seemed to cheer her the most. The pizza was made by the husband today so it was a full pizza with lots of toppings and not always crunchy crust. Delicious!
I have also been mooning over the past. Not the historical past of society like usual (though I DO still think I would have an easier time of it with its structure and understandings-even if it WAS ALL ridiculous). No this time it is more about my history and my ruminating over it. Everyone and their mother knows/says that it is one major attachment to the spectrum (in any part) so one one hand I feel like it should just be forgiven and forgotten and not put any emphasis or worry to it. On the other hand, it is annoying. I know it, and others know it, so how does one...let go. Therapy, writing and talking are main tools, as well as "cleaning out your closet" (getting rid of it and starting with a clean or empty slate). Maybe it's the time of year, new year is here and we alre all getting older and evolving/developing. Maybe I've just had a lot of time to think. I realized while it physically feels good to get it all out by talking, writing or cleaning, my compulsive repeating hasn't really touched my mental let it go.
An idea I have been pondering is how to tighten my structure without causing fromplems for my free spirited independent child. The structure I hold now is still a lot looser then when I was growing up (possibly because we aren't as busy), however there was also an idea of burning it all way. They say it helps healing ones soul; like mentally and even emotionally turning into a phoenix. Folklore and mythology talk about the flaming peacock rising above the ashes or being reborn. I remember the idea from when I was younger. The bonfire my mother's things went into seemed to be big enough that it brought the firemen a'calling. It seemed to do the trick...maybe. I know the relationships that hurt her were changed, not broken but tweaked in such a way that she could still be around them. The fire seemed to be her "Frozen" moment. She didn't make a castle on an snowy mountain but she did find a way to mourn what she had and rise above it. The question I have is how to keep it from the annoying come back. Maybe I won't ever let it go as my chronic anxiety and mental brain connections, Maybe I won't ever have the mental fortitude and forgiveness to burn it off and keep it off. Maybe.
